bettering

I asked "am I better?"
The answer was "you're bettering".

That's a word to ponder. It turns out it is a real word.  I had thought it was a kind of made-up word that stood for "not better, but getting there".

I found a definition of bettering - "improve on our surpass; changing for the better; in less discomfort than before".

So I am, in fact, bettering.

It's easy over time to add layers to our lives-- good and not-so-good layers.  Sometimes the latter color, or hide, the former.  So I look at bettering as a sign that some of the negative layers are being peeled away so the more positive layers can see daylight, even see sunlight.

Adding layers is easier that removing. Not all underneath is made of goodness.  Unlayering uncovers both goodness and "not-goodness".

Hard stuff this uncovering.  And one has to be made of hard stuff to do the cleaning up and out. Am I?

Well, yes and no.  But I have help and that's what is making the difference for me to be bettering.

"God is in the helpers."  Anne Lamott

reunion

The dictionary defines reunion as an instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation; or a social gathering attended by members of a certain group of people who have not seen each other for some time. 

I have just returned from such a gathering. Family from near and far journeyed to the green mountains of Vermont.

Twenty-seven members of my family on my mother's side met for three days of family time.  Stories were told, memories were shared, and many questions were asked and most answered as recall allowed.

Resemblances of features and personalities stood out. Ages were from 6 to 83. There were activities onsite, down the road a few miles, within walking distance, and some a short drive away.

Much of the time we just sat, talked, laughed and shared. It was quiet and boisterous joy.

I joined what a friend called the 76 years old club during this reunion.  I definitely have my singular perspective of this time together, remembering the times and the family members who came before; and of the influence we may or may not see at each part of our life journey.  This physical coming together gives a new depth to my perspective and I am renewed and I rejoice in it.

home

Is it possible to "go home again"?
And what is the home to which we aspire to return?
Just what is HOME?

I traveled recently to my birthplace. With enormous interest in a project a museum curator in northwest Colorado is undertaking, my sister and I returned to Colorado for a few days.

We were both born in Colorado, but neither of us live there now. My sister yearns for Colorado, her home. I've been thinking about what I call home these days. It isn't Colorado.  I love that I was born and raised there, and my heart and soul are touched deeply when I return.  But I don't really yearn for it.

After I returned I spent some time thinking about where I call home.  Colorado is where I'm from. Texas is where I was for several decades.  And now Georgia is where I live, and where I call home.  It helps that the part of Georgia in which I live is in the Southern Appalachian Mountains and that it has always felt like being in the Colorado mountains.  The word "in" here means when one drives up into the Rockies and is not standing miles back viewing them. But I had not actually called this place my home until I returned from Colorado and spent some time thinking about home.

I did love being back in the Colorado mountains.  Their beauty puts a smile on my face, a lump in my throat, and a hum in my soul.

And I absolutely loved the joy my sister experienced.  There was a smile on her face, and little lilt in her step.

I think the issue here may be how to find home where you are. I see myself holding my home of origin as a place that formed me. Now that I live elsewhere, I am called to make this home. And so I pretty much do so, but still, at times there is longing in my heart for more.

Maya Angelou says: "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."

In "Home" Rachael Sage sings: 

      Home is where you’re taken in

      Fearlessly breathing with the wind
      Home is where you set your spirit down
      I’m at home in all this beauty
      Everything about it moves me
      I may be from another place but home’s where I am now
      Where I am now.

breathe

I'm caught up in a song these days. I listen to it over and over. When driving. When in the dentist chair for hours. And just today, while flying. I love the melody and the singer's voice. But mostly I love the words.

"I want to wake up;
See where I'm going, yeah
Chase what I'm dreaming;
Run away till I out run all my pain
I swear I pray everyday
But still nothing's changing
Feels like my life might need rearranging
You say that You're here and right now is a test of faith

So open up my heart and have Your way
I'm sinking in my thoughts so pull me from the waves
My head's above the water. You're my sweet escape
I need you just so I can breathe
Now I can breathe, Hey I can breathe
I can breathe, I need you just so I can breathe

You said this feeling
Would only last for a season, yeah
But I'm still here and I'm wondering
Why I'm not the same
I prayed every day
That's when You changed me
I'm not the same cause You rearranged me
You said You were here--that was my test of faith"

So open up my heart and have Your way
I'm sinking in my thoughts so pull me from the waves
My head's above the water. You're my sweet escape
I need you just so I can breathe
Now I can breathe, Hey I can breathe
I can breathe, I need you just so I can breathe

La'Porsha Renae

I'm not certain just whom is being sung about. An individual, or God. I think I hear both. But I'm drawn more to it being a call to God. "Feels like my life might need rearranging"; then "I'm not the same because you rearranged me."

I know about feeling like rearranging is in order. I also know about going through rearrangement. Actually, I'm in the midst of it. I have all kinds of help. All listen to my words and my heart. And I am helped. Yet, there is another listener I'm learning to speak to. And then to listen in the presence. Then I can breathe.

AH... THE CONCERT

At last- the reason for the trip - FOUR VOICES concert.  Four voices being Joan Baez, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Indigo Girls.  Oh my- just seeing those names written together...

Disrupted by weather and air travel, given an anything-can-happen day-- here we were in Raleigh, NC, outdoors at the Art Museum of North Carolina for this night of the Four Voices Tour.

Thinking about all it took to get to this night and how eager I was for this moment of music by these amazing women singer-songwriters....  it feels like nothing could stop this experience from happening.  

And so nothing did stop it. The concert happened!

Lining up hours before the doors opened and the concert began, fans carried lawn chairs, coolers, blankets, and sometimes each other.

There was obvious intention and eagerness as we watched all these souls from our parked car.  

You see, we didn't need to race ahead to stand in line, because we had reserved seats.  I've left my years of concert lawn-seating behind.  However, we did realize at the last minute that we might want something to sit on in our reserved seats, so ever the resourceful women we are, we borrowed bath towels from the hotel. Worked like a charm.

As we entered the museum grounds and made our way to our seats, it was immediately clear that we had some amazing seats!  No more than 50' between us and the stage.  And the rows were elevated so there was no chance the person in the row in front of us could block our view.  Wow!

And so, the much anticipated and longed-for concert began.  And for the next two hours, these four women sang - together, separate, together again.  And some of the time we sang along.  

All the voices rose up as one, to celebrate the joy of making music together, and through song, to question injustice and inequality. We stood, sat, sang, clapped, rejoiced together as one glorious body.

It was the best concert ever!

An Anything-can-happen Day.

Today I had just this kind of day. 

No plans, because this day came about because of a disruption. Disruption of carefully planned travel.  Flight cancelled.  Terrible storms.  Concert cancelled. An alternate flight and a rescheduled concert brought about a day with no plans.

Thus I received the gift of an anything-can-happen day. Certainly I've had these in the past, but never where I recognized it as such. A real gift.

I was greeted by this new day with an awesome sunrise, followed by leisurely awakening and preparations to enjoy this new day. This new day with no plans.

First off, of course - cappuccinos and fresh pastries, enjoyed outside Joe Van Gogh, a local coffee roastery. They were more delicious than usual.  Maybe because there was time to sit outside and enjoy without a need to be anywhere.

Driving off we detoured to a yarn shop, where we discovered all manner of items made through the process of upcycling - using scraps and discarded materials, to make something new. A dragonfly made from window screen and beads. Earrings from old dental chair fabric.

After supporting the local economy, it was time to support a local restaurateur - Toast - where we enjoyed sandwich abundance, once again seated outside.

A walk around downtown Durham showed the possibility and result of restoring downtown cities back to life.  Of course, all that walking around necessitated refreshment- found at Monuts- another local eatery.

Then it was time to walk intentionally.  Seeking out local areal labyrinths, we began at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, where a quiet walk into the woods led to the labyrinth.

Then off to a decidedly less quiet space- the University of North Carolina Health Center, in particular the UNC Cancer Center.  Leaving the hustle and bustle of the conglomerate of streets and facilities, we stepped outside the cancer center to a peaceful and peace-filled labyrinth.  Walking and remembering all personally known, both lost and healed, was powerfully healing for me in my journey of restored health.

A movie - "A Quiet Passion", the story of Emily Dickinson amazingly portrayed by Cynthia Nixon, ended the unexpected gift of an anything-can-happen day. 

"The Lord Almighty grant us a peaceful night and a perfect end."

Now on Durham Time

It's different than Tybee Time. Yet, similar in the fact of stopping. This travel lark was to be too filled and too short for stopping. Yet, here I am stopped, sitting outside Joe Van Gogh Coffee Roasters in Durham, NC.

Travel to this place was long and somewhat arduous. For myself and my friend. Yet, still accomplished. Just in time for the concert, which was the purpose of the journey. 

Then we learned the concert was cancelled due to dangerous weather. 

Then all things necessary to attend the now-rescheduled concert, fell into place. Just like that. 

So we are gifted with a glorious day of doing nothing, yet doing whatever we want to do. 

Beginning with a glorious sunrise. 

And now cuppas. 

Stay tuned for the rest of the day.